Cullen: A little advice for men on Valentine's Day
February 4, 2011
Mark Cullen
SPECIAL TO THE STAR
There is no other annual special occasion that tempts us to play it safe quite like Valentine’s Day. To be clear, the celebration of love causes otherwise sane, bold men with a natural inclination to take risks to merely reach for one of the three safest material expressions of our affections: Roses, chocolate and lingerie.
I am here to suggest that this could be the beginning of a new decade of giving; one where you (the man) extends your desire to please and thrill your sweetie with a gift that truly is outside of the box; one that reflects your sensitivity to her desires.
My wife will tell you that I am no Romeo. So let’s reflect together for a moment on the very popular tradition of giving long-stem roses on Valentine’s Day. We know that this is a crowd pleaser, but then, are you trying to please the crowd or your sweetheart? And what is it that appeals to women about a dozen long stem red roses? Why a dozen? Why red? Why roses, which die notoriously quickly relative to, say, carnations, which are cheaper and stand up to the test of time for up to a month versus seven to 10 days for roses? My answer? I don’t know.
I am a guy and I am equally paranoid about getting this wrong. We are not meant to know the answers to simple questions like these. Of greater importance is our willingness to explore the limits of our imagination together and, who knows, maybe we will come up with something that is greeted as truly memorable.
It is not the giving — it is the thinking about the giving.
I do believe that it is important to understand this: your thinking of the answers can be more beneficial to your relationship than most anything else.
To get us started, some facts and suggestions:
Fact: Cut roses are not a cinch to grow. That is why they are expensive.
Suggestion: This could be your cue to make the growing of roses as easy as possible. Give her a rose garden. For the price of a dozen long stems at this time of year (about $60 to $100 for quality ones) you can buy her four to six rose plants that will grow in our Canadian climate, and produce not a dozen but dozens of rose flowers. The roses are best purchased in the form of a gift card from her favourite garden retailer.
Go One Step Further: Give her you. Offer to dig the holes, prepare the soil for planting and, if you are a real sweetheart, you will plant them for her, too.
Fact: Roses are a product of nature.
Suggestion: The expression “the birds and the bees” came from somewhere. Maybe roses are not the be all and end all. Maybe the attraction is the natural beauty of flowers generally. Perhaps the ability of flowers to attract songbirds, butterflies, hummingbirds and other wildlife is part of their magic. How about giving her a garden! Yes the whole enchilada. I know that you are not a garden designer, but I can tell you where to find one.
Go One Step Further: Buy her a private consultation with a garden design professional and let her take it from there. Maybe there will be a new garden in your future, maybe not. The point is that meeting face to face with a pro that has experience and passion for creating beautiful gardens will inspire and motivate your sweetie to plant something different this spring, to prune existing trees and shrubs with confidence, to combine plants that she would never have thought of. Go to www.landscapeontario.com for a comprehensive list of garden designers. Generally they charge a minimum of $200 to $300 per consultation and $60 to $90 an hour.
Fact: Roses are exotic. They originated elsewhere. Notwithstanding the native wild rose of Alberta, roses as we know them in the garden originated in far reaching lands. The Greeks wrote about them in poetry, Egyptians referred to them in hieroglyphics found in ancient tombs and the Chinese celebrate the rose as a source of life.
Suggestion: Take her to see some rose garden. There is a fabulous collection of roses on the grounds of Rideau Hall in Ottawa where many of the winter hardy roses developed in Canada are on display for all to see (for free) and the Experimental Farm in Ottawa offers another colourful glimpse into rose breeding programs in Canada. Currently Vineland Centre for Research and Innovation (in Vineland, Niagara) is home to the largest of Canadian Rose breeding programs. You can view many of the established varieties there. Go to vinelandresearch.com. In Toronto there are some terrific rose gardens including Casa Loma ( www.casaloma.org) and the formal gardens of High Park ( www.highparktoronto.com).
Go One Step Further: Give her the gift of a journey to another part of the world to see roses as neither of you have seen them before. England is the home of modern rose breeding. Go to the famous rose breeding grounds of the David Austen Rose garden near Coventry ( www.davidaustenroses.com). Tour the rose gardens of Hampton Court ( www.hamptoncourt.org.uk). If the timing works, take her to the annual Hampton Court Flower and Garden Show the first week of July. It is the second largest exhibition of its kind in the world (the 1st is the Chelsea Flower Show in London, mid May).
One more fact: It is not roses themselves that women love, it is what they represent. More to the point, it is what giving them to her represents. It is, after all, not something most of us do for our soul mates on a regular basis. So it is the extraordinary gesture of giving roses that makes the positive impression that you are hoping for.
One more suggestion: While thinking of giving her the “experience” of long-stem cut roses without necessarily giving a dozen of them; consider giving her two passes to Canada Blooms in Toronto. This is the largest and the most impressive annual garden event in the country. There will be roses, to be sure. Plus a record number of feature gardens that celebrate Juno award nominees including Sarah Harmer, Ben Heppner, Carolyn Dawn Johnson and a wonderful tribute to Oscar Peterson. The cost of tickets is $18 each but you can get a discount online at www.canadablooms.com right now. Give a couple of tickets to Canada’s premier flower and garden festival, a long stem red rose and maybe a dinner out. What could be a better Valentine’s Day gift? Except maybe your offer to accompany her to the Direct Energy Centre for the event.
Dates for Canada Blooms are Wednesday, March 16 to Sunday March 20. The great preview party takes place on Tuesday night for only $75. No crowds, the gardens look their best, there’s entertainment and some quality munchies.
If the budget is not too tight, who knows, there may be some cash leftover for chocolates and lingerie.
Question of the Week
Q: We have been experiencing problems with our tomato plants during the last three years. We purchase healthy plants from the local nursery but we lose several plants each year. The leaves begin to turn yellow and fall from the plants. While our garden is small, like most urban gardens, we rotate as much as possible in hope of avoiding disease. Is there any current chemical that we can use to prevent the plants from getting this disease?
A: Rotate your tomato plants to a new location each year. This reduces the risk of disease and insect problems. Apply Green Earth Bordo Copper Spray in July before symptoms of blight appear. Bordo is a preventative treatment and will not stop blight if applied after symptoms appear ( www.greenearth.ca).
Mark Cullen is an expert gardener, author and broadcaster. You can sign up for his free monthly newsletter at www.markcullen.com, and watch him on CTV Canada AM every Wednesday at 8:45 a.m. You can reach Mark through the “contact” button on his website. Mark’s latest book, The Canadian Garden Primer, is available at Home Hardware and all major bookstores.